Why I Will Not Have a Wedding (in list formation)

Okay guys, I know I am getting a little more than some "joshing" about this statement. I actually feel slightly threatened by some of these statements people have made. These quotes not only included statements about "you'll ruin your whole life and your marriage if you do that" and even statements like "you're breaking my heart."
That last statement was provided by my mother. I even told her it was not her business, which may have been a lie, but really, what my future husband and I choose to do together is not anyone else's business.


I could make this an annoying BuzzFeed list-like composition, and I'd rather not, but nobody will read it unless I do. If you want to argue with me, you'll likely find a rebuttle in the further text. Thank you.



1. Weddings are outrageously expensive
According to Google's sources:

1. "Average Wedding Cost. The average wedding cost in the United States is $25,200. Couples typically spend between $18,900 and $31,500 but, most couples spend less than $10,000. This does not include cost for a honeymoon."

As I am sure you already know, I don't even make that much a year... nor does my man thing... and we couldn't afford that combined. Yeah, even the 10,000 dollar mark. I owe that in loans for school alone. I don't want more debt! I don't even want to buy a dress or flowers. I don't want my parents to buy me a dress or flowers. That is not really because I feel bad, but mostly because I want to have total say over what I wear, who I invite, what music is played... which the fact that I basically want to look like a mermaid for mostly our friends and few family members, nobody under the age of 16, while dancing up the isle to "White Wedding" by Billy Idol... and no, it won't even be in a church. Since I'll have to pay for these antics, I can't even have that... I'll never be able to afford the wedding I want... the dream weddding! So, why should I try to have one at all?
Also, I want to provide this chart from institutedfa.com

DOES EVERYONE SEE THAT HUGE 1/3 SECTION? THAT'S MONEY ISSUES.
Start a marriage out in debt? On an already *poverty level income. No. No. And no.

3. Different folks, different tastes

Lets just hypothetically assume I am engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years... No, I am not engaged. For those of you who do not know my boyfriend Matt, he is very quiet, sometimes shy, and tends to be secluded. He is also a NERD. I don't mean that negatively by any means, but that is who he is. He plays LoL any chance he gets... he spends at least once a week marathoning anime for at least 4-6 hours. He is also an artist and learning to code. Me? I love mermaids, makeup, outdoors, baking, communication, parties, and offending people. I have never seen Star Wars, and he cannot name my 5 favorite bands. See the problem? We love each other, we do... but we have nothing like that in common. We literally just love being with each other. I am not a huge anime fan by any means, but I will sit with his friends and watch any time he invites me. Does he like my music? No. But we listen and sing in the car. Despite that truth, we both know (at least I hope) that we want to have at least a color theme we can agree on... and it's pointless to argue with an artist. Speaking of this guy... remember when I said he was kinda secluded and introverted? Yeah. Most people assume I am the exact opposite. People assume that all I want to do is go out and hang with friends. In most cases it is true, but for my "wedding day" it is not.
to sum that up... we would have something that looks like this...
 and this 
We can all agree that those are terrible. Okay? Okay.

4. Intimacy and Privacy

Okay ya'll. I understand you want to be involved in one of the biggest days in me and my future husband's lives... but maybe I don't want you to be involved. Maybe we just want to spend time together and talk, and snuggle, and be married... without having to entertain guests or pay for dinner. Which by the way, my dream wedding reception, there is NO FOOD. Really? Yeah. Really. I know. So rude. We don't want to have to walk around and deal with "wow, you look amazing!" or "what are you guys going to do now?" Again, not anyone's business. Go away. Please. No offense.



5. People=Drama=Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very BAD Day!

Alright, I have my fair share of people that I am not a fan of, but who doesn't? And let's be real. You don't like certain people. You may not like certain people I know. Guess what? I know that. I won't make you deal with that. At all. You don't even have to send me an overpriced coffee machine. Remind me why you're complaining?



6. I am drama. Let me make that clear.

I will be the hugest bridezilla in the world. As far as I am concerned, I will be crying if my signature on the wedding certificate looks "wrong." Do I need to add mismatched flowers, wrong hair style, a stained dress, dairy-based frosting in the cake, or my mother telling me to not be a over-dramatic meanie? I don't think I need that. You probably think I do not need that. Why put me through that, especially because I explicitly state that I will not have the wedding I want anyway?



7. Busier than normal people, by my own standards

I am busy. My boyfriend is busy. It's kinda hard to plan these things when we are so busy. Pretty simple.


8. Convenience

I am busy, like I said... and wouldn't it be nice for us to just ask for the weekend off and go be married? I think so. I don't want to have to worry about school hours, or other people's jobs, travel expenses, and other nonsense.

9. If I don't buy a wedding, I can buy plane tickets!
Just take my word when I say there are people who... *gasp* don't go on their honeymoon. And even worse. There are people who are so stressed, tired, drunk, whatever after the reception, they don't... *GASP* have sex on their wedding night.  I'm a grownup, and I can say grownup things like that.
But let's take that out of the equation now, and back to my point... a plane ticket would hypothetically cost 400 dollars a person, and without having a wedding, that certainly will allow my future husband and I to budget for these tickets and actually leave the state, and maybe we can do something stupid like stay at a golf resort and watch cable TV and eat pancakes. I don't know yet. I obviously am not worried about what we do yet.







I am not a feminist by any means, which will be my next blog, but I will say this:
I understand why a woman feels she should not have to justify what she wants. Whether it is to be a stay-at-home-mom or a career woman, anybody has the right to make choices about their own lives.
I don't always believe above statement is true, but in this instance, I am honestly annoyed by the fact I simply MUST explain why I don't want to conform.


To answer all questions, let me simply tell you in list formation what I want my "big day" to be like.
1. Wake up
2. Get dressed and be human female (makeup, hair, shaving, jewelry, etc.)
3. Have my last cup of coffee as Miss Pittman
4. Meet fiancee at courthouse
5. Have a chat about the lovely plans for the next week
6. Sign the papers
7. Be married! Yay!
8. Leave
9. Honeymoooooon
10. Come back home
11. Send "invites" (which in all actually will be a picture of us saying "hey! Thanks for being a part of our lives! We are married now. We appreciate your support, and we hope to have you over for ice cream or something)
12. Be married forever and ever yay!

THE END